Skip to main content

Self-Soothing Techniques


There are many ways to add tension to life, from relentless busyness of packed schedules, to setting unrealistic expectations and views of oneself of others; the slight insults and miscommunications of daily life; the drive to succeed, accomplish, achieve; there's no time to rest or fully relax. The resulting, relentless momentum can hijack the outlets in life that should calm the mind; for example our exercise routines can be co-opted by feelings of "not doing enough" and guilt. Even our spiritual practices, such as meditation, can fall into the same stressful rut of "I'm not getting far enough, my mind is still wandering" and "what's wrong with me, why don't I do it more?" Nothing is more detrimental to spiritual growth than turning it into a chore driven by "shoulds" and striving agendas.

If we are to reduce our agitation, short tempers, and low thresholds for difficult emotions, we'll need more than therapy or spiritual practice, we'll also need self-soothing techniques. Self-soothing behaviors are natural, fun, often repetitive behaviors that focus the mind and allow us to achieve inner peace and quiet amidst those periods when we feel overwhelmed or emotionally strained. Self-soothing is different from addictions, as the latter create stress and shame, rather than relieve agitation; addictions separate us from others and result in low self-esteem, while self-soothing techniques are creative and never result in feelings of regret.

Of course, if we only turn to soothing behaviors, and never sit with underlying feelings and emotional energies that require attention, the desire to sooth itself can turn into an avoidance mechanism. But in balance with mindfulness and self-examination, soothing behaviors provide an easeful outlet to the pressures of life, allowing more fruitful and joyous ways to achieve serenity. And he more tools we have in our toolkit, the better.

So here are some ways to help ease tension:
Take a walk in a park;
Engage in a hobby that uses your hands (gardening, knitting, etc);
Cook or bake (especially try out a new recipe);
Take a long bike ride;
Watch comedy routines on youtube (I like louis ck, patton oswalt, amy schumer, jena friedman, Patric O'Neal, Doug Stanhope; etc);
Get a massage;
Write out anything you want, without any editing, in a journal;
Go to a sauna in the gym or the russian baths;
Eat healthy snacks that you enjoy (I go for the dried kale);
Drink a big cup of tea;
Get some sun;
Sing along with an old favorite song;
Take a nap in the sun;
Go to a movie;
Play a musical instrument;
Find an inspiring article on the web, read it and reflect;
Go to the most peaceful place in your neighborhood;
Call a friend and make a social plan;
Imagine talking to someone who cares about you;
Spend time with a pet;
Take a long hot bath;
Try very gentle yoga.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

fear

There are times in life when intrusive, fear based thoughts latch hold of us, filling the mind with swarming, buzzing thoughts, distracting us during interactions with others, muting the sensory richness of each moment—the sounds, body sens ations, aromas, feelings and on. Such dire visitors—generally based on past resentments or speculative fears—can easily bait and hook us, threatening us with annihilation, repeating constantly; given how constant the messages can be, releasing such thoughts can feel like ignoring ‘the world is going to end’ new flashes on CNN or city sirens announcing impending hurricanes. The mind can really play tricks that make it all to easy to abandon the present, which is, of course, the only place of true safety and utility. When we find the mind latching onto these narratives, images or moods, and we can’t reassure, reason with or let go, sometimes the only solution is to give up the battle and actually write down what our fears are trying to tell us. If
1 comment
Read more

5 ways to resist obsessive thoughts (Vitakkasanthana)

The mind can be thought of as a committee Our thoughts are present by many "voices," some skillful and unskillful W there are some skillful voices in there, focusing on useful ideas, there are also the many voices in the "committee" that cause us suffering by advancing and encouraging useless, stress inducing ideas, plans, worries. Some examples of unskillful, stress producing obsessions —are dedictated to figuring out the worst possible outcomes (fear) of any situation —fixate on unknowable future events, i.e. what will we experience later in life? —try to figure out what other people are thinking about us —compare ourselves with others, especially in material concerns in general, the buddha broke these down the thoughts of craving, aversion and delusion. How unskillful internal voices persuade us some of these committee members try to get their way by —most work by repeating the same thought over and over —some split into thousands of variations that seem differe
6 comments
Read more

Integrating the Head with the Heart

Integrating The Head With The Heart Summary of Insights Winter 2016 - Josh Korda ~ I’m an empowered Buddhist dharma teacher, which means I spend a lot of time addressing groups of students, in the course of annual retreats and two or three weekly classes around Manhattan and Brooklyn; however, the focal point of my life’s work involves providing one-on-one spiritual and psychological mentoring to individuals. What’s of central importance to my interpersonal work is emotion integration, by which I mean the practice of bringing one’s underlying, spontaneous, instinctive feeling states into ongoing conscious attention and decision making. Now, you may well wonder, why would anyone need help perceiving or assimilating emotions? Aren’t they readily apparent? However, I’ve found, over the course of working in depth with hundreds of individuals, that many of us live at estranged distances from our authentic feelings, depending on strategies of denial, numbing, and
1 comment
Read more